So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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