its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
