so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
