I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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