At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
