She's JV to your varsity
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize