fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
