Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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