we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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