Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
