No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
