y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
