another moral hangover. fuck.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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