i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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