Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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