he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Even my vagina gasped.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
