I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
