I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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