My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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