just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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