My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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