its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
