I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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