I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize