I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
