Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I am naked and annoyed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
