It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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