dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
