I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
