My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
