I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
