Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
