Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
