Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
do herpes really smell.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize