I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
