that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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