Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
