I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
