My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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