tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
