he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
