Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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