i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
