You're a womanizer and a bitch.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
