She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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