could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Randomize
