you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
