I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
