I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
