Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
