we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
