Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
