I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize