Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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