Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
