God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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