I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
