As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
