Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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