I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
