If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
