Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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