just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
