He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
