some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
