i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
