I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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