Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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