Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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