So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
