I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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