we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
