one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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