I only kidnapped one of them. chill
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
