she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just sent this text using only my big toe
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize