Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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