Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
