It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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