i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
