So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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