I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
