I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
