I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
