I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
