I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
