How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize