Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
